Everyday on his way to our center, Ryan enjoys playing with a toy Polaroid camera his parents gifted him for Christmas. It is a simple joy for him, taking goofy photos of himself in the car ride over. He hangs onto these photos and brings them with him to his lessons as they are things that bring him so much happiness. However, these photos pose a significant distraction for him with the teacher. We have attempted several different strategies to discourage him from looking at the photos. For instance, we have asked him to keep the pictures in his pencil case, but he takes them out whenever the teacher is away from the table. We have also suggested that he put the photos high up on a bookshelf and promised him that he could have them back later, which seemed to work somewhat. However, yesterday he hid the photos between his legs and continued to look at them whenever possible. When he was caught, he refused to let go of the photos, resulting in a disagreement.
Ryan is drawn to his pictures for reasons that adults may not fully understand. It didn't seem to click for him that the pictures were a hinderance in the classroom, as opposed to the positive moniker he has made them out to be. He couldn't understand how they were a distraction and how his love for these pictures doesn't line up with the reason he is in our classroom. Given how multiple teachers have encountered hurdles and tried a multitude of methods, it is painfully clear that Ryan doesn't develop the listening skills yet. On the other hand, as we were trying to get Ryan to listen to us, we didn't listen to him with an open mindset.
When both parties are not listening to each other, conflict arises. Just like how Ryan wants to look at his photos and we don't want him to. Parents encounter similar situations when determining what the want or don't want their child to do, specifically for the kids' benefit. As parents, we try to think alternative ways to get the kids to follow our lead. Sometimes, kids listens and understands the reason. Sometimes, it doesn't. When something doesn't work, is that we often default into our role as the authority figure without adequately communicating the reasons why.
After class, I asked Ryan about the photos he was so fond of, which are just black and white shots of a car bumper and himself. Despite its simplicity, he became excited as he eagerly shared every detail of the image with me. It was clear that Ryan was proud of his photo and had a strong interest in it. We all know how passionate people can be when discussing something they care about deeply.
Seeing how enthusiastic he is for the photo, I suggested that he write down all the details about it instead of telling me. Ryan embraced the idea instantly. As a student who often finds it difficult to find get started on his own, providing him with a prompt that aligned with his immediate interests, had him writing without hesitation. Moreover, he took the initiative and genuinely attempted to sound out words he was unsure of spelling!
With on open mind set, we realized our mistake quickly and started actively listening to Ryan, in the end finding a adequate solution that works for everyone. Next time, when you found yourself getting frustrated trying to relay a message to your child, try to put your reasons aside and listen to theirs. And maybe, you'll have the success we had.
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